


17th of All (DAN HOWELL + PHIL LESTER)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Dan Howell - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Kanye West - Fandom, Phil Lester - Fandom
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Crack Fic, Dan Howell - Freeform, Kanye West - Freeform, Other, Phil Lester - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 01:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7461333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Word count: 708</p><p>Requested: WHY</p><p>Um??? SOOOOooo this is literally straigh crack!fic and it’s just?????? It’s so short because all I can say is jsut ?????</p>
            </blockquote>





	17th of All (DAN HOWELL + PHIL LESTER)

When Dan heard Phil screaming and scrambled out of bed he never thought that he was going to sprint in the kitchen and find Phil holding a baby. His friend was cradling a swaddled baby with wide eyes and, when Dan entered the room Phil began to mutter incoherently.

“Phil,” Dan said slowly, “What the fuck,” Phil held the baby out to Dan and looked back at their microwave. It was smoldering and smoke was billowing out from it. Dan took the baby from Phil and, as he turned it toward him, he almost shit himself.

He was staring at Kanye West’s face- except… It was on a baby. Dan’s voice left him, and he almost dropped the Kanye-Baby.

“What the fuck, what the actual fuck,” Dan breathed.

“I don’t know!” Phil said, knotting his hands in his hair, “I was just trying to make noodles and then.. It started like freaking out and the electricity started flickering and then-” Phil was cut off by Kanye-Baby gurgling in his arms. In a bay version of his regular voice, Kanye locked eyes with Dan and said:

“Nothing in life is promised except death.” Dan had to set the baby down on the counter and he backed up until he was standing against the other counter, right next to Phil.

“What do we do?” Dan whispered, watching as the small baby waved his arm around, cooing in a strange, baby version of a voice Dan had listened to for most of his life, “Like, what the fuck are we going to do with a baby Kanye?”

“We are all self-conscious. I’m the first to admwit it.” The baby said.

“I guess we keep the baby.” Phil whispered, “Who’s going to believe that a baby version of Kanye West popped out of our microwave.” Dan nodded.

“What do we know about taking care of a baby?”

“It couldn’t be that hard, could it?”

“George Bush doesn’t care abouwt black people!” Kanye shouted, “I feew like I’m too busy writing histowy to to read it.”

“Microwave baby,” Dan said in a lost voice. Kanye started to cry, still in a strange man-like voice, “We have a microwave baby,” Phil picked up the baby and began to rock him, staring at Dan with a confused expression. Dan mirrored it back and the best friends stared at each other with fear and confusion.

They had a microwave baby. A Kanye baby.

* * *

Phil had fallen in love with the child. He turned into a great father- if that’s what he could be called- and cared for the child like he had a hand in creating Kanye.

Dan, on the other hand, was still in shock. Nearly a week later Dan refused to hold the baby, or even look at him too long. It was uncanny how much he looked like the hip hop star, and only spoke in direct quotes. One day, however, Phil had to go out to fetch formula for the baby, leaving Dan to take care of him. He watch warily as Kanye played with a stuffed microphone that someone had sent to Dan.

Dan stood and looked down on the baby. “17th of all,” The baby grinned.

“Oh, my God, you’re a meme baby.” Dan gasped, eyes lighting up, “That was a meme. I heard a meme.” Dan suddenly found himself warming up to Kanye.

“I ain’t saying she a gowd digger,” Dan gasped and reached down to cover the babies mouth before he could finish the lyric.

“Language,” He warned the child, as if the baby could comprehend. Dan thought that, maybe, on some level, he could because the baby was barely six months old and talking, only mispronouncing some letters.

To his surprise, Kanye nodded and went back to playing with the microphone. Dan picked Kanye up and wandered back to the couch, turning on some bland Tv show so he could try and bond with the baby.

“So, do you like rap?”  
  
“I down’t even listen to rap. My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in.” Dan snorted and rocked the baby.

“Got any more memes for me?”

“I down’t know what’s better, getting laid or gettin’ paid.”

“You’re literally a fetus, please don’t say that.”


End file.
